I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this is an emotional support booty call
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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