Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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