I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you never un-have a 4some
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
