His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize