3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
