I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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