i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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