You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
