He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
