Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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