it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
