no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
