That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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