Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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