does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
