well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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