I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
