Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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