She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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