btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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