Christians are straight up FREAKS
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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