I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
