i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
3pm strippers are depressing
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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