went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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