apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
