I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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