My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
