i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
