What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
