he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
