So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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