Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
