pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
