if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
