He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
