she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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