my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
