piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
