I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
