She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
