why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
