Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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