You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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