Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's blow job season.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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