Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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