i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
