I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
