she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
