I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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