Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
