What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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