The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
