So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
