Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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