Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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