At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We're too hungover to prance.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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