Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
