He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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