I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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