so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
