Im at strip club and am horny
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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