i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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