Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
