Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
