and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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